Strange question but hear me out… imagine a beautiful, stately, large, country mansion.  As we all know, inside that mansion a number of different rooms exist (den, living room, kitchen, bedroom, etc.)  If you lived in this mansion, you would probably spend more time in one or two rooms over the hundreds of others.  For example:

• If you love to cook, you would probably spend more time in the kitchen.
• If you love to watch television, you would probably spend more time in the den.
• If you love to sleep, you would probably spend more time in the bedroom. 

Now, imagine that your entire life is represented by this same mansion.  Think of each of the individual rooms in your mansion as representative of a place where your thoughts ”live”.  For example, you would probably enjoy spending time in: 

• A room that includes all the positive thoughts about how much you are kicking ass at work.  
• A room that includes all the great times spent with family and friends.  
• A room that includes all of your fondest memories from high school, university, etc.

There are also some rooms that you probably don’t enjoy spending time in or maybe even try to avoid:

• A room where your biggest failures in life live.
• A room where your biggest fears, lies, and doubts reside.
• A room where your all of your secrets live – the place where you hold a lot of things hidden from everyone in your life.

The secret room is the one I want to stay in for a few minutes.  As men, I think we try to avoid the secret room.  Why?  If we revealed these secrets, it would probably make us…

• Appear vulnerable.
• Appear as though we ‘don’t have it all together.’
• Shatter the image of ourselves we so passionately try to uphold and defend.

I personally, have had enough of avoiding the secret room.  Why?  Because the fact that I keep certain things a secret speaks to something much deeper… not the secret itself… but the part of me that tries to do things secretly and then maintain the secrecy.  What underlying need of mine is threatened if the secret was revealed?  

I feel like this will resonate with a lot of men… but we all need a safe place before we start throwing out our biggest secrets.  How can we trust each other with this kind of vulnerability?  

That’s why I thought it made sense to start with the 3rd biggest secret first… we’ll ease into it.  Here’s mine:

When I was 8 years old, my mother wouldn’t buy me a GI Joe action figure from a local drug store.  So, I sneaked away from her, took it off the shelf, put it under my shirt, and left the store.  For days I felt guilty playing with it… thinking someone would ask me where I got it from.  I finally had enough and threw it over a fence somewhere behind our elementary school.  The stress of playing with a stolen toy was just too much.

My major life learning lesson from stealing this GI Joe toy - when I don’t get what I want, I sometimes think of backhanded or unethical ways to make it happen.  However, it is something that I will most likely not want anyway because of the means to get it.  The real problem lies when I try to obtain something in a way that I would RATHER KEEP A SECRET. 

So, what’s your 3rd Biggest Secret?  And, more importantly, why is it still a Secret?  Find someone to tell it to.