The goal of the first meeting is to move from Me to We – to get everyone aligned around shared norms and expectations.

(Adapted from Keith Ferrazzi’s excellent book, ‘Who’s Got Your Back?’ )

A 2-hour Agenda (based on 4-6 people):

• 0:00 Group Goals/Expectations (15 minutes)
• 0:15 Getting Acquainted (15 minutes)
• 0:30 Exchange Your Vows: Promises (10 minutes)
• 0:40 Exchange Your Vows: Guiding Principles (10 minutes)
• 0:50 Exchange Your Vows: Rules of Engagement (10 minutes)
• 1:00 Personal/Professional Check in: Goal Setting (30)
• 1:30 Develop an Accountability Plan (20 min)
• 1:50 Going Forward (5 min)
• 1:55 Playback: What Worked, What Didn’t (5 min)
• 2:00 Finito!

0:00 Group Goals/Expectations (15 minutes)

While your group is first and foremost about advancing each of your individual goals, having a shared group goal helps ratchet up everyone’s belief in the power and purpose of the whole as more than the sum of its parts. You no doubt already have some idea of your shared goals, since you’ve gone to all the trouble of getting together, but it helps to make them explicit. Your shared goal will fall into one of two types: Practical or Visionary.

A Practical group goal makes sense when you share career or performance goals.  Examples:

• Finding Employment
• Changing Careers
• Losing Weight
• Launching a Small Business
• Reducing Expenses

A Visionary goal makes sense when you have completely different on-the-ground ambitions but share some kind of “meaning-of-life” or behavioral goals.  Examples:

• Commitment to Success through Mutual Support
• Improving Follow-Through
• Integrating Spirituality into Daily Life
• Mastering Time-Management
• Staying Proactive and Motivated

Consider creating a mission name that evokes your unifying goal at launch – and of course, that mission can be revisited if the group shifts in purpose over time, as individual needs change and members come and go.

0:15 Getting Acquainted (15 minutes)

During this part of first meeting, or anytime the group needs time to reconnect, use some or all of the questions below. For each question, go around the table and give each person the opportunity to speak.

• What is your humble gift – something innate to you that helps you help others at work or outside of work? Share a story about that gift with your peers.
• What is a struggle you went through that influenced who you are today?
• What was the lowest point in your career, and what did you learn from it?
• What’s the most important thing you want to have accomplished before you leave this earth?

Tips:

• Share stories for a great exchange: Stories are emotional transportation.
• Be an active listener, and tease out stories from your partners. Find out when they realized they had that gift, or about a time they helped someone. Don’t accept a three-word answer.
• Be ready to be the first one to risk being vulnerable.

0:30 Exchange Your Vows: Promises (10 minutes)

The Promises are a list of what you might call the end goals of your Group. They’re not about the tactical goals you’re pursuing, individually or together, but about the positive changes you vow to create by working together

Rewrite these with whatever words you all agree on and feel comfortable with as a group.

Together We Will Become…

• Joyful, by discovering and fulfilling our true potential with others’ help
• Successful, in our most ambitious undertakings
• Authentic, grounded, and secure in who we are
• Free from behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs that may have held back our growth
• More willing to aspire to ever-higher levels of achievement, beyond what we once thought possible
• Positive in our approach and attitude, with genuine encouragement and enthusiasm for all, generously shared
• Forgiving, full of patience to deal with shortcomings—others’ and our own
• More willing to trust our instincts, courageously following our inner voice, taking risks, and learning from mistakes
• Connected, not just to this powerful circle of people who care, but in all the relationships that matter in our lives
• United, never letting each other fail!

0:40 Exchange Your Vows: Principles (10 minutes)

From the list below, choose the principles that feel most appropriate and important to the success of your group. Or make up your own, or rewrite the principles in words that reflect your group’s personality. Revisit, add more, and discuss them frequently for ongoing group development.

• Coddling is counterproductive and selfish, not generous.
• Support is about picking someone up off the floor—then telling him how he got there.
• Service to others rewards the giver as much as the receiver.
• Relationships are dynamic; as members graduate, celebrate the time you had to learn with them.
• Instincts are an important aspect of your decision-making process.
• Accountability starts with the individual.
• Scrupulous honesty is a must.
• “We’re all liars”—meaning we all have moments when we’re less than candid; the key is to celebrate a quick recovery.
• Holding others accountable is an act of generosity.
• So-called failures are celebrated as opportunities to learn and grow.
• Humility is a virtue.
• We are all addicted to something; winners admit it and ask others for help.
• Each of us has unlimited potential for growth, no matter where we start.
• There are no quick fixes—we are in this for a lifetime of continuous growth.
• Our ears are always open.
• Encouragement and support are inseparable components of holding others accountable.
• Create a safe place for taking risks.
• Air grievances right away. Don’t allow resentment to fester.
• Conflict—sparring—is a part of the process
• You own your own decision-making process, no one else.

0:50 Exchange Your Vows: Rules of Engagement (10 minutes)

You should have a set of Rules of Engagement that outline expected conduct during meetings. These rules don’t need to be complicated. Here are some that we consider ‘musts’:

• Total confidentiality: What’s said at meetings stays at meetings. This will ensure that members feel free to share.
• Be punctual. Starting on time and finishing on time show we’re respectful of one another’s time.
• Be committed. Repeat absentees, or those who fail to uphold the core values of the group, must be asked to leave.
• Be attentive. No cell phones or Blackberries on during a meeting; everyone is listening and focused.
• Skip the small talk. It’s fine before or after the meeting, but never during. This will ensure that meetings are productive.
• No business transactions between members. Group members should not conduct business with one another, although they are welcome to share contacts and sources.
• No alcohol at regular meetings.

1:00 Personal/Professional Check in: Goal Setting (30 min)

Time for a brief discussion around each member’s goals and commitments. Remember that:

• These early goals will almost certainly change as members spar and offer insights, but everyone should start with something specific.
• During Spotlights in future meetings and with buddies, you’ll have more time for deep-dives on goals.

In Prep:

• Review (or Create) your own Professional and Personal Goals before the meeting.

In Practice:

• Use a stopwatch to keep time so everyone gets a chance to present
• Encourage people to frame their goals in positive terms: Say what you want, not what you don’t want, or what’s going wrong.
• Have each person clearly state a goal to work on between this meeting and the next.

Some suggested sparring questions for goals:

• So you want to go where? Why? Will that make you happier?
• What is your motivation for achieving your goal? Is it internal or externally motivated?
• How did you analyze this decision? How thorough was your thinking? Did you ask yourself enough questions, and were they the right ones?
• What are the potential pitfalls and downsides? Do you have a contingency plan in place?
• Describe the thought process that brought you to your decision.
• Are your short and long-term goals in alignment? If not, why not?

1:30 Develop an Accountability Plan (20 min)

Together, make three decisions:

1. How will you track individual commitments?

Your tracking of group commitments could be as low-tech as a notebook. Do whatever works best for you – results, not the medium, are what’s important.

2. What are the consequences when a group member repeatedly lets himself and others down?

Put in writing how your group will deal with:

• Failure to follow through on weekly goal commitments
• Missed Meetings
• Disrespectful Behavior
• Options include reviews, warnings, and ultimately, expulsion.

3. Who’s whose accountability buddy and when/how will they meet outside of group meetings?

Pair buddies up by considering:

• Who will have the best insight into each others goals and behaviors
• Group dynamics: Pairing up members who don’t know each other well can help promote the group’s bonding

Rotate buddies every six months for:

• Diversity of thought
• Avoidance of cliques
• New energy

Once you’ve paired up, use the rest of the time for buddies to determine a schedule for in-person, email or phone check-ins during the week.

1:50 Going Forward (5 min)

Choose a moderator, spotlight, and time & place for the next meeting. The moderator rotates weekly and is responsible for:

• Keeping time at the meeting
• Recording commitments and any group-related business
• Determining the time and place for the next meeting
• Serving as the meeting’s “Yoda,” someone who speaks up when Values aren’t being upheld or used actively.

Times when the moderator might need to pull a Yoda include:

• When someone is failing to be candid
• When someone is defensive
• When someone is failing at “caring critique”

The Spotlight in Brief:

• Deep-dives into a particular problem or goal
• Line up the spotlight for the next meeting based on members’ needs: Who has a major event or issue that needs attention? Who desperately needs a review of his life plan or goals for the year?
• Lasts an hour, including sparring and “I might suggest” (see Regular Meeting Agenda post for this information)
• Creates a time to call members out on chronic problems/handicaps
• Spotlighted member should prepare a presentation beforehand, in writing, and distribute it in advance

1:55 Playback: What Worked, What Didn’t (5 min)

Everyone should quickly jot down and then share round robin what they thought worked, and what might need to change.

1. WHAT WORKED?
2. WHAT DIDN’T?

That wraps up your first meeting!

Tomorrow… a suggested agenda for ongoing meetings.