Monster Scale - what the heck are they weighing?

Every one of us faces a decision when our eyes first open each morning. ‘Is it worth it to get out of bed today?’ For 99% of us, the answer is a sleepy eyed, somewhat reluctant: ’Yes.’  In this, our first decision of the day, we have determined that the benefit of sleeping in (ie. more sleep – duh!) is not worth the consequences that sleeping in brings (being late for work, missing an appointment, or having to rush around like a flipping madman.)

The rest of the day is no different.  We are constantly evaluating Risk Scenarios – weighing Benefits vs. Consequences - before making decisions. For example:

• Should I exercise today? (Stay fit vs. making time in my busy day for something I don’t find very enjoyable.)
• Should I eat healthy today? (Feel good vs. deny myself the pleasure of foods that are bad for me but taste really good.)
• Should I check e-mail right now? (Stay connected vs. wasted time avoiding something more important)
• Should I quit my job? (Freedom to follow my passion vs. loss of pay cheque and security)

Any time we say ‘Yes’ to a Risk Scenario, we have done so with the expectation that Benefits > Consequences.

For me, observing how someone determines the benefits and consequences of risk is fascinating. Why? Because everyone has a different evaluation process - what is risky for you may be very low risk for me and vice versa. The key issue seems to come down to this: Am I properly weighing benefits vs. consequences in evaluating risk? In other words, am I sabotaging my ability to take risk by amplifying the consequences that could occur, causing them to falsely outweigh the benefits?

Here’s the problem – consequences of risk taking are a weird hybrid of an actual quantifiable result (ie. loss of money, missed sales opportunity, wasted time, etc) and something even more important or ‘weighty’ to us: our feelings. For example, if I take a risk and fail I may have lost a certain amount of money but the biggest pain is in how I feel: disappointed, frustrated, like a loser.

Asking a Girl Out – Benefits vs. (True) Consequences 

The first baby steps in moving from ‘no girlfriend’ to ‘happily married’ involves 3 actions: 

1. Identify a girl you are interested in.
2. Initiate conversation with her.
3. Ask her out to have more focused one-on-one conversation.

This sounds logical and simple.  Why then do steps 2 and 3 cause men so much difficulty?  Because this is the point where most men’s minds take consequences and lethally inject a steroid called negative ’What-If’s’: 

What if…

• … she thinks I am a loser?
• … she thinks I am ugly?
• … she is not impressed by me?
• … she thinks I am incompetent?
• … she thinks she’s better than me?

Here we see where the problem is – if I take the risk of talking to someone I am interested in, the benefit would be that she agrees to go on a date.  The consequences are how I might feel if she says ’No.’  Does this mean I am a loser, ugly, or generally not that impressive?

A date vs. I am an ugly, unimpressive loser – there seems to be quite a lot of risk here!  Yes, a date would be cool. But putting my entire self concept on the line to get one? Hmm… smells pretty damn risky to me, Chico.

This is precisely what I am talking about – improper evaluation of a risk’s consequences. The fact is, if she says ‘No,’ there are a million different reasons as to why. Being a loser is possible but probably not it. For all you know, she is married, has a boyfriend, or prefers really hairy Asian guys that grew up on rice farms in rural China.

Instead of focusing on her and what could possibly be behind a ‘No,’ let’s focus on what you can control: your thinking. WHAT IF we changed the ‘WHAT-IF’s’ going on in your head before you initiate conversation with a girl you’re interested in?  Let’s try some positive ones:

What if…

• … you didn’t care if she said no?
• … you didn’t care about your rep or what your friends think?
• … you didn’t try to impress her?
• … you saw talking to a girl as simply a great opportunity to exercise being proactive and courageous regardless of outcome?
• … you acted confidently because you knew that you are valuable, competent, and attractive?
• … you didn’t feel any pressure to ‘make it happen?’
• … you just acted like your normal self? (friendly, warm, and genuinely interested in other people)

What a completely different benefit vs. consequence evaluation this is: a date vs. a simple and straightforward ‘No.’ That’s a risk worth taking.

To sum up: 

1. Take more risks – initiate conversations with girls that you are interested in.
2. Change the ‘What If’s’ in your head prior to these conversations from negative (‘What if she thinks I am a loser?’) to positive (‘What if I don’t care what she says?’)
3. See a ‘No’ as simply a ‘No’-  not a ‘No and you are an ugly, pathetic loser.’