What a cute couple.

Part I – Introduction

I tricked you with the title to this.  Don’t get me wrong – finding a great wife is one of the best things a man can do. There is nothing sweeter than sharing your days with a beautiful, caring, talented woman that loves, honours, respects, and supports you.

I should know – I am lucky enough to have ‘found’ her in my beautiful, caring, and talented wife, Beth.

If you haven’t yet found her, listen up: Trying to ‘find’ her is the worst thing you can do. Why? Because a great woman, fit to spend the rest of your life with – the ‘one’ – is very, very difficult to find! Trying harder to find her will only cause your more frustration, heartache, and pain.

In fact, this is not about ‘finding’ anything. Thinking that you just need to look harder is complete and utter lunacy. Instead, it is about ‘preparing’ – preparing YOU to be ready when the woman of your dreams enters your life.

Who am I to provide such advice? Although I am a happily married man, I have only been out of the dating scene for a few years. As a result, I still have vivid memories of my own painful, knucklehead mistakes from 10 years of roller coaster like dating experiences. I have also counselled numerous single guys who come to me seeking advice on why they cannot find the ‘one.’

On top of that, I possess two deadly qualities: intense observational skills and an incessant, child like curiosity. In other words, I notice everything and I ask A LOT of questions to understand it better.

Will you agree with everything I am going to say? Probably not. Unfortunately, there is no formula for finding a wife. If there was, it would be easy and everyone would be happily married. Or someone would be selling it on the Internet (actually, some are.) If you think by reading this, you will be married in 12 months or less, stop right here… don’t keep reading. You need a reality check – not a blog posting.

Why did I write this? One main reason – marriage is a four letter word for men in our society today. In general, it seems like men only get married to make their girlfriend happy. However, deep down I truly believe that most of us want to find ‘the one’ and settle down with her, build an amazing, mutually beneficial, servant hearted based relationship and start a family.

Here’s what gets in the way of that:

Friends

If we disclose our marriage intentions to our buddies, they subtly but surely try to talk us out of it. Common refrains:

• ‘The old ball and chain.’
• ‘Don’t do it… resist!’
• ‘Going over to the Dark Side.’
• ‘We lost another one.’

Like a Cold War between single guys and married guys, we each shudder when one of us decides to defect, until it’s our turn to choose sides.

Media (TV, Movies)

Movies portray marriage the same way – like a man is being forced into something at gunpoint. He leaves excitement, fun, and good times with friends behind in favour of duty, kids, and exhilarating discussions about retirement savings plans.

Take a funny, popular movie like ‘The Hangover’ as an example. It is about a bachelor party in Vegas being the last chance a man has for freedom and true fun and in the back our minds we wonder, ‘Why would I want to give up my freedom and independence to be with the same woman for the rest of my life?’ In a lot of TV, movies, and advertisements, the single guy (of any age) who sleeps around with many different ladies is cool and desirable.

Post-Marriage Depression

After finally giving in and tying the knot, we are bombarded with further attack: temptation to cheat on our wives and the fact that most marriages (55%+) end in divorce screams at us. The feeling is, ‘If this one doesn’t work out, no biggie. There’s plenty more out there to choose from. Just quit and try out someone else.’ Like marriage is a disposal razor or something.

Pre-Marriage Try Out

Or, the other option is just to move in with a girl and act like we are married without making it official. To me, there is something wrong with this - like playing house, a distorted imitation of the real thing – a try-out to see if we are fit for each other. Are two people that play house together really committed? I don’t think so - if a different, better, more exciting playmate comes along, mine may want to go play house with him.

What Every Man Wants

Let’s go back to the place inside you that made you want to read this in the first place. It’s the same place that yearns to find a woman who will be your greatest fan, closest friend, and passionate lover. It’s the place that wants to commit to someone that won’t walk out on you when you have a bad day, fail in your career, or put on some belly weight. It’s a woman that will respect you, love you, and support you in your ascent of greater and greater professional and personal mountains.

It’s a woman that you can just chill with, have fun with, see new things with, have amazing experiences with. She gets you and she makes you feel like you are the greatest, most capable and talented man on the planet.

And, above all, she’s all yours! No one else’s! No sharing her with other men or wondering if she feels the same way. She wants you and only you, on the good days and the bad.

Yes, this is what makes marriage unique, special, and something every man wants, despite what our friends and the media have to say.

Okay, enough. Men are do-ers… what do I need to DO to find a wife? (aka. prepare myself for when she steps into my life)  That’s next – we will start with Total Quality Marriage Preparation Characteristic #1: Taking the Right Risks.