Repulsive Male Habit #10: Checking Out Other Women
My captivatingly beautiful wife, Beth. She is so hot!
Women are beautiful.
There’s no other way to say it.
My guess is that women, like men, fall victim to the deadly mental cancer called comparison:
Am I pretty enough?
Why can’t I be as pretty as her?
Or her?
Or her?
When I admire and acknowledge my wife’s beauty (something I need to do more of), she instantly feels unique and valued.
Here’s the Repulsive Part:
If I stare at other women in the presence of my wife, she no longer feels unique or valuable.
Why?
Because it prompts her into thinking that her beauty is a commodity – I can easily find it elsewhere at a lower price. It tarnishes her uniqueness and value and could prompt her to wonder:
Am I pretty enough?
Yes, she is! Her beauty is priceless to me.
I don’t want to be a contributor to cancerous comparisons. So, Dudes - hear me on this one:
- Admire women’s beauty in a respectful way.
- When you’re with the one you love, keep your 100% focus on her. Make her feel unique, valued, and show her that she is the most beautiful, priceless posession in the world.
Ladies, can I get an ‘Amen?’
Let me know what you think!
Amen!!!
Thanks, Beth. I know you from somewhere, don’t I?
If only it were so easy! Good advice.
You’re asking a lot Parkes!
If it was easy, I wouldn’t have to write about it! Thanks for checking this out.
GG… I know you can do it.
You will never be able to fully love one woman if you are spending anytime checking out other ones. Yes it is hard but the love of one woman is worth the world.
I will Amen that, Jason… nice!
Being a former dating coach myself and enjoying playing devil advocate…I think that looking at other women is absolutely fine. The world is filled with physical beauty and women and are just part of that physical beauty. My loved one knows I look at other women from time to time when I’m in her presence, and I know she does too. But don’t mistaken that what makes her the best in my books is her inner beauty is the hardest thing to replace in the world. And secondly, I’m not the best looking guy, but I know I’m damn hard to replace, so I don’t worry about who she looks at because at the end of the day I’m secure about myself. I look at women and their beauty like paintings…sometimes women look absolutely breathtaking and I don’t believe men should feel bad for looking and being a man, when women secretly are doing the same too.
Thanks for the comment, Vincent. I don’t think I am advocating ‘blinders’ for guys in committed relationships. My point is that when a married/committed guy stares at a female in a blatant, lustful, obvious way, it sends the wrong message to the one he is with. There is a big difference between a glance and a full out stare down.
The high or pleasure a man may experience by admiring other women is not conducive to a healthy relationship with his wife. Noticing a “hottie” or “cougar” (which is usually the only thing that makes most look imo) is cheap anyways. If you got a wife you got the real deal, so lets be real! Those girls need attention and you fell for the bait, what does that make you! Another easy catch
You can notice other people – just keep it respectful and make sure your significant other knows how much you value and love them. Don’t think that your girlfriend/wife isn’t looking at other attractive people also – we just do it more discreetly. Vincent has it right, the world is full of beauty and beautiful people are just OUT THERE. We (men AND women) are wired to notice and be attracted to physical beauty so it is foolish to pretend like you don’t notice beautiful people. Hell, I’m a (mostly) straight woman and I notice beautiful women!
Bottom line – be respectful AND make sure you’re dating a person who is confident and doesn’t NEED you to prop up their own self image. I’m a beautiful woman but I recognize there are differently beautiful/more objectively beautiful people out there and you know what? I’m okay with that. Jealousy comes from not valuing YOURSELF and not trusting your partner. I made a conscious decision never to be jealous again and part of that is dating men who admire and respect me and whom I admire and respect.
Thanks for this input, Bernadette. You make strong points and I appreciate having your view. You rock.
I am in a very deep and beautiful relationship. But my girlfriend and I like to ogle women together – a lot! And she’s not particularly bisexual. The thing about her, is that she is so confident in herself, and in my love for her, that she doesn’t mind if I look at other women.
Is the problem a man’s wandering eye? Or is it the average woman’s insecurity? And no, I’m not blaming this problem on women. I’m blaming it upon the society that made them insecure.
Good point – thanks for contributing. I think the problem is a combination of the two.
I don’t think I am an insecure person for the most part, but my partner used to blatantly stare at other women to the point that they would notice and then appear to either like the fact that my partners attention was on them and not me, or they kind of pitied me. It may be about insecurity for some women, but for me it was embarassing and extremely disrespectful. It annoys me that men think that we aren’t checking other men out all the time as well. We are just a LOT more subtle about it. When I do it, I make sure that my partner doesn’t notice because I know it would upset him. He should do the same for me. Lucky for me he sees how his behaviour really hurt and now he is almost always on his best behavour! I think if the man truly loves his partner, he won’t want to hurt them and so he will be open to this slight but very important behaviour adjustment.
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Thanks, Laura – I think you are right on the mark here.