Dear Men: I Struggle.
Me struggling on the farm.
Dear Men: I Struggle.
I struggle with…
- an extremely messed up relationship with food.
- maintaining motivation to exercise.
- a mismatch between my priorities vs. how I actually spend my time.
- great difficulty fully enjoying or feeling the present moment.
- the voice in my head that says I am always falling behind.
- the things about strangers that I don’t understand.
- making and maintaining male friendships.
- over scheduling and over commiting myself.
- a feeling that I am always rushing from one thing to the next.
- confidence that I am good enough to be successful.
- fear that I may wake up one day a drunk, broke and on the streets
I struggle. And I am done with trying to hide or cover up my struggles from myself and the people around me.
So, get ready. I am going to shine the light on my own struggles and share them with you. And I am hoping that you will see three things:
- We all struggle.
- It’s okay to struggle.
- Other men are here to support you in your struggles.
Let the struggles begin.
If you’re comfortable sharing your own struggles, please do. It feels really great.
Andrew, reading your list it made me think you were describing my struggles (not counting the struggling on the farm bit). Thanks for sharing and putting into words things I too need to work on.
Thanks, Jordan – appreciate your comment. Glad you are on this journey with me into the deep dark places of men.
I’m touched by your post and how you are unafraid to show your vulnerability. If I can offer some advice: with no struggle, there is is no strength. It sounds like you’re on your way to
You struggle with…
* an extremely messed up relationship with food. –> what is the root cause of this? monitor your behaviors closely and see what is driving this “messed up relationship.” Is it stress? boredom?
* maintaining motivation to exercise. –> exercise comes in many forms. find one that works for you & go with it.
* a mismatch between my priorities vs. how I actually spend my time.
* great difficulty fully enjoying or feeling the present moment. –> every morning, be thankful for the morning. take ten minutes and enjoy the start of the start of a day as a sacred occasion. then be on your way. the life you have created is out there waiting for you. also be sure to find the patterns every day that bring you real pleasure and joy. make sure to include a few of
* the voice in my head that says I am always falling behind. –> slow down and still your mind. think less and seek the places internally where you find calm.
* the things about strangers that I don’t understand.
* making and maintaining male friendships. –> what is the root of this? insecurity?
* over scheduling and over commiting myself. –> focus, focus, focus.
* a feeling that I am always rushing from one thing to the next. –>
* confidence that I am good enough to be successful. –> do you speak the language of confidence? be rid of tentatives (I hope, I’ll try, perhaps I could). also – be kinder to yourself and bring joy into your life.
* fear that I may wake up one day a drunk, broke and on the streets –> you attract the things you have given a great deal of thought and voice to, good and bad. be careful. change the way you think and you’ll change the way you feel. avoid creating stories in your mind about the uncertain future. work on bringing joy and happiness into your present life. and remember – there is light each day. when you’re in the depths of your personal darkness, remember light will come. it always does.
Hi Amber – thanks for your comment and tips. I am curious though – what compels you to want to ‘fix’ my struggles?
Amber – also, one other question: where do you struggle?
Andrew,
Do you mean why do I personally want to ‘fix’ your struggles? Or, do you mean why do I want to offer tips that you might consider, and as a result, ‘fix’ your own struggles?
My intention was not to say that I can do any fixing but rather that I think many of your struggles are fixable. Some of your struggles I have overcome (an extremely messed up relationship with food, great difficulty fully enjoying or feeling the present moment, a feeling that I am always rushing from one thing to the next), a few I can relate to (motivation to exercise, a mismatch between my priorities vs. how I actually spend my time, over scheduling and over commiting myself), and one simply made me feel sad (fear that I may wake up one day a drunk, broke and on the streets). Sure, I don’t know you, but that’s an awfully negative thought that I think no one should subject themselves to.
As for where I ’struggle,’ my most recent areas of self-growth include:
- consistent exercise (which minus this week, I’ve been sustaining a consistent running / bikram yoga schedule, and I’m eager to pick it back up next week)
- managing / investing my finances (with more bills to pay, there’s more organization needed!)
- decluttering my closet (out with the in, in with the new!)
(I’m not sure where to comment, here or in Brazen Careerist so I guess I’ll post at both.)
Hey Andrew. I am wowed by your list of open feelings and awareness of what is going on in that magnificent mind of yours. It is all very real, healthy and inspiring. I think i will make a list now.
Thanks
Lynne
Hey Amber,
I really do appreciate your tips. I can tell that you have a great heart and want to help people live better lives – this is awesome!
Thankfully, I have the right support in my life to help me manage or cope with my struggles. Even with this support, I still struggle at times just like every human being on the planet.
My purpose in writing about struggles is to highlight a problem I see in a lot of people especially those that I work with in my Life Coaching practice (mostly men.) I find a lot of men are afraid of the vulnerability it takes to come clean about the fact that they have struggles in their life.
Why is this? I think it’s because men are into image preservation – we can’t let others see our fears, failures, and/or insecurities as this might mean that we aren’t competent or worthy enough to be where we are.
Trying to preserve an image takes work and is difficult – I don’t think any human being was meant to do that all day.
So, for anyone stuggling out there (all of you), I have a couple of suggestions:
1 – come clean with someone or something (maybe on Brazen??) about your struggles – it feels good!
2 – spend some time thinking about the struggle – What are you learning or noticing about yourself as you go through this struggle?
3 – (fits nicely with some of the tips Amber has written) – What are you going to do about your struggles?
Thanks
Thanks, Lynne – I really appreciate your comment – can you post your list here??
ha
~Struggling with just this, making a list and posting it.
~Moving out of my comfort zone and actively looking for new higher paying job.
~Letting someone into mine and my kids life.
~Using money as an excuse to put off Certification.
~Hiding my gifts because of fear of failure.
~Asking for what I want and being let down.
~Trying to balance…being emotionally open and receptive and still focus on important details.
Lynne,
You are courageous and strong. I am so touched that you would take the time to be transparent and vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing this.
Your fan,
Andrew
Hey Andrew;
I really enjoyed your article and of course can relate-I struggle too. I struggle with time management, taking time to be quiet and still (always need to be doing something), prioritizing between work and family time, how to be a better communicator (which includes listening). As I thought about your article and my list of struggles one word kept bouncing around in my head-authenticity- which is closely tied to honesty and vulnerability. I believe that if we are truly honest with ourselves, thereby learning to be confident in who we are, the battle to overcome our struggles can truly begin and it is always best to enter that battle with someone at our side. I hope people take you up on your offer to help. Thanks again for being “authentic”. Who’s going into battle with you?
Garry
Thanks for your thoughts, brother – I really appreciate it.
I struggle with the idea that I’m worthy and deserving of all the miracles in my life. (My own worst critic…)
Derek Markham´s last blog ..Advice to Myself as a Young Man
Thanks, Derek – especially for your honesty. I am loving you blog, bro!