Comments on: Dear Men: I Struggle.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:33:26 +0000

Thanks, Derek – especially for your honesty. I am loving you blog, bro!

By: Derek Markham

Derek Markham — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 01:41:59 +0000

I struggle with the idea that I’m worthy and deserving of all the miracles in my life. (My own worst critic…)
Derek Markham´s last blog ..Advice to Myself as a Young Man

By: Andrew

Andrew — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:58:52 +0000

Thanks for your thoughts, brother – I really appreciate it.

By: Garry

Garry — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:26:33 +0000

Hey Andrew;
I really enjoyed your article and of course can relate-I struggle too. I struggle with time management, taking time to be quiet and still (always need to be doing something), prioritizing between work and family time, how to be a better communicator (which includes listening). As I thought about your article and my list of struggles one word kept bouncing around in my head-authenticity- which is closely tied to honesty and vulnerability. I believe that if we are truly honest with ourselves, thereby learning to be confident in who we are, the battle to overcome our struggles can truly begin and it is always best to enter that battle with someone at our side. I hope people take you up on your offer to help. Thanks again for being “authentic”. Who’s going into battle with you?
Garry

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 05:45:18 +0000

Lynne,
You are courageous and strong. I am so touched that you would take the time to be transparent and vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing this.
Your fan,
Andrew

By: Lynne

Lynne — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 05:37:51 +0000

~Struggling with just this, making a list and posting it.
~Moving out of my comfort zone and actively looking for new higher paying job.
~Letting someone into mine and my kids life.
~Using money as an excuse to put off Certification.
~Hiding my gifts because of fear of failure.
~Asking for what I want and being let down.
~Trying to balance…being emotionally open and receptive and still focus on important details.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:27:04 +0000

Thanks, Lynne – I really appreciate your comment – can you post your list here??

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:25:38 +0000

Hey Amber,

I really do appreciate your tips. I can tell that you have a great heart and want to help people live better lives – this is awesome!

Thankfully, I have the right support in my life to help me manage or cope with my struggles. Even with this support, I still struggle at times just like every human being on the planet.

My purpose in writing about struggles is to highlight a problem I see in a lot of people especially those that I work with in my Life Coaching practice (mostly men.) I find a lot of men are afraid of the vulnerability it takes to come clean about the fact that they have struggles in their life.

Why is this? I think it’s because men are into image preservation – we can’t let others see our fears, failures, and/or insecurities as this might mean that we aren’t competent or worthy enough to be where we are.

Trying to preserve an image takes work and is difficult – I don’t think any human being was meant to do that all day.

So, for anyone stuggling out there (all of you), I have a couple of suggestions:
1 – come clean with someone or something (maybe on Brazen??) about your struggles – it feels good!
2 – spend some time thinking about the struggle – What are you learning or noticing about yourself as you go through this struggle?
3 – (fits nicely with some of the tips Amber has written) – What are you going to do about your struggles?
Thanks

By: Lynne

Lynne — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:33:32 +0000

Hey Andrew. I am wowed by your list of open feelings and awareness of what is going on in that magnificent mind of yours. It is all very real, healthy and inspiring. I think i will make a list now.
Thanks
Lynne

By: Amber Rae Lambke

Amber Rae Lambke — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:13:30 +0000

Andrew,

Do you mean why do I personally want to ‘fix’ your struggles? Or, do you mean why do I want to offer tips that you might consider, and as a result, ‘fix’ your own struggles?

My intention was not to say that I can do any fixing but rather that I think many of your struggles are fixable. Some of your struggles I have overcome (an extremely messed up relationship with food, great difficulty fully enjoying or feeling the present moment, a feeling that I am always rushing from one thing to the next), a few I can relate to (motivation to exercise, a mismatch between my priorities vs. how I actually spend my time, over scheduling and over commiting myself), and one simply made me feel sad (fear that I may wake up one day a drunk, broke and on the streets). Sure, I don’t know you, but that’s an awfully negative thought that I think no one should subject themselves to.

As for where I ’struggle,’ my most recent areas of self-growth include:
- consistent exercise (which minus this week, I’ve been sustaining a consistent running / bikram yoga schedule, and I’m eager to pick it back up next week)
- managing / investing my finances (with more bills to pay, there’s more organization needed!)
- decluttering my closet (out with the in, in with the new!)

(I’m not sure where to comment, here or in Brazen Careerist so I guess I’ll post at both.)