The Seven Deadly Sins of Dating – ENVY
Green with envy.
Envy – a feeling of resentment towards others as in when another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking and wish the other person to be deprived of it.
Comparisons are deadly. Especially when we compare ourselves to the best parts of others forgetting that these people have just as many weaknesses and failures as us… we just chose not to see them temporarily. If someone else is better than me in some area, the critical, nagging, bitchy part of my mind usually gravitates to this question:
‘Andrew, why aren’t you as ______ as they are?’ (Fill in the blank with: handsome, talented, charming, rich, suave, etc.)
It’s hard to blame us from allowing us to happen. Beginning at a young age, we are compared: grades in school, sports ability, how good looking you are. Now that we’re all grown up and mature adults, it still happens – just in a different form:
- How much money do you make?
- What do you do?
- What kind of car do you drive?
We take the answers to these questions and line them up against where someone should be in life compared to peers.
Let’s take the car question as an example. If you are a 35 year old single male lawyer dressed in brand new Hugo Boss suits and you drive a beat up 1993 Dodge Grand Caravan, a question pops into my head:
Why the heck is he driving that?
My mind compares what this man should be driving (maybe a BMW 5 series?) to what he is actually driving (Dodge Grand Caravan.) Something does not line up here.
What does this have to do with dating? Examine the detremental comparisons you are making between you (if you are not in a relationship) and your friends in relationships. Here are 3 common ones I see:
- ‘He’s married so he must be a lot happier than me.’
- ‘How does a loser like that get a girl like her?’
- ‘They have such a perfect relationship. I wish I had that.’
Notice the deadly formula in these comparisons:
- FACT(ie. ‘He’s married’)
- INCORRECT ASSUMPTION(ie. ‘He must be happy if he’s married.’)
- INCORRECT PERSONAL APPLICATION QUESTION (ie. ‘Why can’t I find happiness like that? I suck.’)
No, you do not suck. For whatever reason, at this moment in time, you are not in a relationship – that’s it. Now, shall we get to work on finding you one?
Where do you make incorrect comparisons in your life?
I think I err on the side of comparing MYSELF to an unrealistic standard that I’ve set…and am deconstructing that standard bit by bit…thanks to great coaching colleagues like you.
Thanks, Tanya – I purposely won’t compare myself to you and your Coaching because of this post. Instead, I would just prefer to bask in your awesomeness!!
Looking For a challenging and dynamic atmosphere where I may show my hidden Capabilities under the supervision of co-operative and sympathetic persons & also for a friend like u.