First, is prayer. I often turn to God when I can’t understand something or feel overwhelmed by how much help is needed and how limited I feel.

Second, I have 3 ideas to use my own gifts and abilities to raise money for relief (see below.) My goal is to raise $1,000.

I urge you to do your part to help the people of Haiti – staying updated on what is happening is not enough. Use your gifts to help other people.

Thanks,

Andrew

My 3 ways of helping:

FACEBOOK:

I put this status update on my Facebook page yesterday:

“Following the lead of my friend Joanna, I will donate $1 to Haiti earthquake relief for everyone that ‘likes’ this status update. Please do the same.”

Please ‘like’ this update!

COACHING:

I normally charge $100 for a 45 minute coaching session. Until February 1st, I will donate 50% of this amount to Haiti relief. If you have a bunch of questions to plow through about your personal life, business idea, or career goal, or you just want a level head to talk with about your fears and concerns, a laser coaching session is for you. We will jam through as many obstacles as we can in 45 minutes, and leave you with a clear sense of what to do next.

Buy your session today and I will get back to you as soon as possible to set-up a time to talk:

45 minute laser coaching session with Andrew Parkes – $100

E-BOOKS:

My E-Books cost $13-$19 each.  Until February 1st, I will donate 50% of the proceeds from the sale of any of them to Haiti relief:

She’s a beauty, ain’t she? Brings a tear to my eye every time I see her.

Last year, I decided to regift this monster to my father-in-law as part of a regifting tradition my wife’s family has every year. I was sad to see my monster go but glad to know that she had found a new, loving home. (Side note: I think my parents were glad to have this monster finally out of their house.)

This year, my father-in-law regifted the monster back to me. I was shocked and appalled. My understanding was that regifting regifts violated some kind of sacred gift giving code. And to regift to the original regifter? Heinous.

In fact, I refused to accept it. He insisted. So, my wife and I took the monster, and in the dark of night, decided to drop it off at my wife’s Uncle’s house:

Around 12:30 that very evening, as my wife and I were going to bed, we heard a rustling outside. The dog started to bark. Who is it? A burglar? A juvenile delinquent causing a ruckus? No, not this night. Instead, we witness my wife’s uncle  dropping the monster back off at our place:

Here is a further update:

Two questions for you:

1. Can you regift a regift especially to the original regifter?

2. Does anyone want a monster?

The Parkes Family

My grandmother is a remarkable woman. Although almost 92 years old, she is still smart as a whip and one of the most caring and kind people you will ever meet. No matter where she goes, my grandmother has a great time – laughing and telling stories all the while.

She also says funny things – a lot. And not just heart warming, knee slapping funny. We’re talking crazy, tears in the eyes, ‘you should take this on the road’ kind of funny.

Unfortunately, for Christmas dinner last night at the Parkes residence, a few people were not able to join us:
- my sister, Leslie
- my Uncle Peter and Aunt Mary
- my cousins Candace and Lauren along with their delightful partners Thom and Earl, respectively
- my cousin Helaena’s boyfriend, Enzo

So, as my Christmas gift to them, I decided to record a few of my grandmother’s most memorable lines and compile them into a top 10 list. Without further adieu, let’s get started:

10. ‘Those strippers never had a purse. Just a fistful of money.’ (referring to the clients that most frequented the tanning salon that my grandmother used to own)

9. ‘You go in. Take your clothes off. And then pray, I guess.’ (referring to what people do when they go into a tanning salon bed)

8. ‘I never shop at Wal-Mart. It smells funny in there.’

7. ‘Who’s that kid with the dirty face?’ (in reference to a picture of my aunt and uncle’s dog, Theo which my grandmother thought was her grandchild)

6. ‘Did whosit it come with you?’ (to my cousin Helaena in reference to her boyfriend, Enzo)
‘No, he’s on vacation,’ Helaena says.
‘Oh, good. That’s gotta be the first time he’s had a vacation, isn’t it?

5. ‘You’d go to jail if you ever got pregnant teaching when I was in school.’

4. ‘You lost your job and she lost her job, so you decided to come home. Good for you.’ (mistakenly thinking that my wife, Beth and I came home for Christmas because we are both unemployed)

3. ‘If you just write a few cheques, it’s a lot easier.’ (on Christmas gift giving)

2. ‘Oh, great… a Velcro strap. Just like a kid. Whoopee’ (on the new shoes she received for Christmas)

1. ‘Were you planning on giving her a call? Don’t you dare – she’s taken.’ (to my cousin Jonathan who she believed might be interested in asking my wife, Beth out on a date)

Bonuses:

‘A girl in medical school? Awful course for a girl – 7 years of school? What is she thinking?’

‘She should have got the strap earlier to sort that one out.’ (on disciplining a social media crazed 20 year old)

‘Give me another scoop of slaw. We don’t get much of that where I’m from.’

‘Ohhh… corduroy pants. Wow. Just what I asked for… thanks. They will be for church!’

‘They’re not ladies. They’re women with kids and divorces.’ (in reference to some of the women that work at her retirement community)

‘You got 100%? Wow. Is it a young man that’s teaching you?’ (in reference to my cousin, Helaena’s recent perfect score on a school project – my grandmother is hypothesizing that foul play may be involved)

‘You’ve written six books? No wonder you aren’t doing the housework!’ (to me in reference to the e-books I have written)

‘L-Euchre’ (how my grandmother refers to the card game, Euchre – she is a Bridge player.)

On people older than her:
‘Those old ladies just lick up the booze. They lick, lick, lick it up.’
‘Once they’re leaning on a buggy, it’s over.’ (buggy = walker)
‘Good appetites they’ve got. As long as they’re chewing, they’re happy.’